 |
You discover from a conversation with your partner’s friend that they went to a pub last night for a couple of beer. Though you find nothing wrong with the act, you’re frustrated that your boyfriend lied to you about it. You wonder, “If he can’t trust me with this, what else don’t I know about him?”
The sad thing with the one million dollar question, “Why do men lie in a relationship?” is it doesn’t have definite answers. However, the enumerated six reasons below might explain why your partner keeps pulling the wool over your eyes.
To avoid petty arguments
He resorts to white lies because the truth may cause a misunderstanding or argument between the two of you. For him, telling you too many details will only make you nosey. That’s a trait he certainly dislikes as it questions his privacy, decision and actions.
To avoid hurting you
He may think you don’t look great with your red blouse but since it’s your favorite color, he compliments your outfit instead because he wants you to be you. If you share to him ideas he knows nothing about, he might simply nod and comment how excellent it is than to let you explain over and over again.
To move on
Not telling you the entire history of his love life is not a sin of omission for him. He only thinks that how he behaved in the past may influence your thoughts and feelings about him. He doesn’t want to focus on the past since there’s nothing you can do about it. He wants you to focus on how you get going as a couple.
To conceal his drives
Why do men lie? He probably has desires and urges that you haven’t or can’t satisfy. He can’t help but seek for gratification from other sources like buddies or other parties. Though he loves you, he feels unsure whether telling you the truth is the best idea. When this move leads to infidelity, it causes guilt, pain and even separation. A cheating man can be identified from his change of behaviors and habits. Read signs he is cheating for more on this issue.
To protect his ego
Do you know of public officials who lie to preserve their good reputation? He may think that way too when he has an unacceptable behavior that can ruin his image in your relationship and in your primary groups. He’d rather lie than destroy his stature by just a single act.
To get what he wants
A lot of people lie to get things done in their own way. Situations like politicians making empty promises, supervisors bribing subordinates, students watching a movie instead of making a project happen anytime, anywhere. It is most likely that he lies to you too for his personal favors.
Men may have good intentions for their dishonestly but still, the end does not justify the means. Lying remains an act of disrespect, betrayal and disloyalty. That’s why no matter how little a lie is, it becomes an issue in the relationship once it’s uncovered.
If you’re a woman who has a partner who doesn’t value honesty, you should not tolerate it. Don’t just entertain the answers to your why-do-men-lie question. Do something about it. Explain to him that your relationship cannot survive without trust in each other. BUT, you must do it the right way since “you always do X” IS a fight starter and it won’t solve anything. Do it carefully and bring the subject on the right moment.
 Get Him to Commit: Know His “Mental Road Block” and Remove ItWhy do it’s so hard to get a man to commit? Contrary to the popular beliefs, it doesn’t have anything to do with HOW MUCH he loves you. It happens because the “mental road block” he creates himself. Watch this short video to find out how to identify this “mental road block”, avoid the “trap”, and HAVE HIM takes the relationship to the next level.Watch the video here |
I have one question..why is it that a man cheats..gets caught..begs for forgiveness..gets it and we move on. But when a woman cheats most men dont want to forgive and work it out?
Men want their cake and eat it to! They can dish it out but can’t handle it! Men are truely insecure beings who need their ego stroked constantly. Learning how to handle men is the key to a lasting relationship. They secretly crave strong women who can allow them to be masculine yet keep them in line. My husband has a type A personality, the first three years of marriage were rough. Our relationship started getting better when my husband was involved in a near death motorcycle accident. My role suddenly became head of household and he began to realize how dedicated and true I was.
i feel like im in the same boat as uwere, my husband is in a biker club/ gang i hate this life i hate his alpha male role and his neglect to this family my baby girl. Im pretty much over this marraige andkicked him out and ready to finally move on but now he wants to come back. i feel obligated to try for our daughter, my feelings are NOT the same for him as they were when we first meet. any advice????????
marcella
Trend lightly. For our Heart is sensitive. There
You will find the way to go, on how content
Your Soul is. Inspire yourself to let your little
light shine. Agape love is good love. No strings
Attached love, which can be given from a near or
Far. Forgiving then trying to forget can be a challenge.
Remember Seasons consistently change. Put on
Your Eagle wings and glide through turbulent times.
Cherish the times that brings you smiles.
REJOICE then comes PEACE.
Hi Marcella,
Nothing can justify sacrificing the rest of your life, not even so your daughter can have a close-by father.
Nevertheless, if you’re willing to try, I suggest you read this first: when to divorce and ask yourself the 5 question to assess the marriage.
Good luck
Men are full of themselves. They take a while to grow up.
AND U ARE SO RITE WE BECOMS HOES AND BITCH AND DOGS AND THEY DONE WONT ANTHANG TO DO WITH US AN MORE AND THEY DO AS THEY PLEASE AND DO NOT GIVE A DAM ABOUTH ANTHANG THEY DO NOW WHY IS THAT
I been in a relationship for 2 1/2 years now and just recently I found out that my boyfriend hides money from me and it was in a unusual place he cut a hole in his sweater sleeve and I took it and hours later he said he lost money and it was for gas and I asked him were did u get the money cuz u said u were broke he said I just got it rite now from my mom and I put it in my sweater pocket and I said it must of fall out. I found the money at 12pm just at 6pm he came up with this why do u think he was hiding money? And now that I think about it I know he’s been hiding money
MY MEN DOES THE SAME THANG TO ME AND WE HAVE BEN WITH EACH OTHER FOR 14 YEARS AND EVER TIME I ASK HIM FOR SOME MONEY HE ALWAYS SAY HE DOES NOT HAVE AN MONEY AND WE GOT 4 KIDS DONE NEVER HAVE AN MONEY BUT ALWAYS COME HOME WITH NEW SHIT EVER DAM DAY I NO THAT HE IS GETING IT FROM OTHER BITCH AND AS I SEE IT A MEN WILL HAVE TO ANSWER FOR EVER THANG THAT THEY DO AND LIE FOR WHEN IT IS NO FOOD IN THE HOUSE THAT MEN SUPPORT TO STEP UP TO THE PLATE AND DO WHAT A MEN NEED TO BUT NO ALL THEY CARE ABOUT IS THERE SELF AND IN GODS LIFE THEY WILL HAVE TO ANSWER FOR EVER THANG THAT THAT DO IN LIFE BELEAVE ME GOD IS NOT SLEEP .THEY MAKE AFAMILY AND DONE WONT TO SETP UP TO THE PLATE AND TAKE CARE OF HOME THEY GIVE TO OTHERS AND NOT THE FAMILY THEY MADE GOD MADE MEN .MEN DID NOT MADE GOD SO MINE WHAT U DO IT WILL COME BACK TO BITE U IN THE ASS UHM
Hi Crystal,
I believe you can guess his true motives by reading the article above.
Anyway, most couples have their own way to manage their financial flow, but not all of them are comfortable sharing their income information with their partner, so it probably one of these:
- He needs that money for something he can’t tell you, either for good or bad motives.
- He’s not comfortable with sharing all his income information, but since you both made a deal, he can’t break it and end up hiding money instead.
hi im been a reltionship for 5 to 6 years and i live with my boyfriends mom and our two kids and there always whiperin and she comes and tell him vell text you and he dont have a phone and this happing very day and i asked him whos vell and he said his aunt but i dont think it is and they never say nothin out lound dose that mean his mom is helpin him cheat ?
Hi Erica,
There’s a lot of reasons why your boyfriend (and his mom) trying to hide something from you. Don’t jump to conclusion for the moment. I suggest you read signs he is cheating and try to recognize various signs of a cheater before confronting him.
HI I HAVE BEN WITH MY MEN FOR 14 YEARS AND MY MEN DOES THE SAME THANG AND YES HE IS AND YES HIS MOM IS HELPING HIM FUCK ARE MY MEN MOM US TO DO THE SAME THANG WHO NO SHE MIGHT BE STILL DOING THE SAME THANG FAR I NO THEM MENS DOES THAT TO US TO KEEP US FROM PUTING THEM ON CHILD SUPPORT AND MOVEING ON WITH OTHER MEN THAT WILL TAKE CARE OF U AND UR KIDS R SON DO AND MOVE ON IN LIFE CAUSE HE IS DOING WHAT HE IS DOING AND DO NOT GIVE ADAM WE ARE THE ONES THAT HURT THE MOST THEY FUCK US OVER AND USE US AND DONE GIVE A DAM HONEY FINE U SOME ONE AND MOVE ON WITH UR LIFE AND PUT HIS ASS ON CHILD SUPPORT AND WHEN U FINE SOME ONE WACH HIS ASS COME RUNING BACK TO U BY THEN TO LATE U ARE IN LOVE AND DOING DAM GOOD AS LONG AS WE SIT AROUNG THE HOUSE AND NOT DO SHIT AND TAKE CARE OF HOME THEY ARE FINE AS LONG AS THEY NO THAT U ARE AT HOME
My live in partner declared he had an only daughter and a grand daughter.I believed that for two years.Later, I found out that his officemates always see a lady asking for money from my partner during pay days.When I investigated, I found out that he had another daughter (from his first wife)that he kept secret. Why did he have to do that to me?
Hi Leebayu,
I believe the answer is “to avoid hurting you”. He believes knowing the fact will make you upset and decide that you better not knowing.
For now, you can:
1. Pretend you don’t know and go on with life. I believe there’s nothing wrong if you choose this.
2. Confront him and ask his reason to conceal the truth from you. If you do this, talk calmly, tell him you don’t blame him, ask the real reason, and don’t let emotion overcome you whatever his answer are.
Good luck
I have been in a relationship for 4 years with a man that is addicted to the internet he has emails from women from from her to him in him to hire I have copies of those emails in my position although he will never admit it. respect yourself and get out . He can’t respect you or others if he dont even respect himself
To AVoid Hurting You: When the idea occur to me to reply to this topic i thought hard on who will be the best source to obtain the truth behind THE REAL REASONS WHY MEN LIE to their WOMEN. If I asked a woman she will only tell me the reason she believe men lies or why other women believes men lie to their woman. TRUST ME, it isn’t for the reasons you think. To avoid petty agument, to protect his ego, or they are creature of habit to get what they want. No, you are not even close to knowing the real reasons. THE REAL REASONS WHY MAN LIE to their WOMAN will come from the creature who speaks the enemy of the truth (MAN).
Please don’t consider my opinion controversial because that is not my intention. My opinion should bring humor into the lives of women who have heard their share of lies from their man and to men who have told their share of lies to their woman. Ladies consider my opinion as a learning tool for understanding why your man comes up with these tremendous lies. Men consider my opinionas a way to be more creative with the next lies you tell.
I will be the first to tell you that I’m not an expert on relationship or lies and I want pretend to be very knowledgeable on either of the subjects. However, being a man who has told my share of lies, I can offer my opinion on why we lie to women. Ladies don’t get sensitive about this topic embrace it and use it as a method to understand your man. Guys don’t assume I’m being disloyal to the brotherhood because half of the lies we tell are already known by our significant other.
Let’s look at the definitions of the word lie for a moment…. A false statement made with deliberate intent to deceive; an intentional untruth; a falsehood. To bring about or affect by lying (often used reflexively): to lie oneself out of a difficulty; accustomed to lying his way out of difficulties.
The definition has some merit. Lies told by man to their woman aren’t made with deliberate intent to deceive. Nevertheless lies are told based on the difficulties we face throughout our relationships. These lies aren’t told to betray our woman but instead to eliminate the hurt the truth can create. Ladies think about it, do you all believe Bill lied about Monica solely too avoided impeachment; no he lied because he knew how the truth would humiliate Hillary. So ladies, the next time your man lie to you thank him for considering your feeling.
My dear ladies I must inform you of a secret. A man has the ability to look a woman straight in the eyes and tell a lie without showing sign of what he is telling her is not true. The words will roll off his tongue so smooth that you wouldn’t have the time to interpret the meaning behind the lie. His lie is the truth when it is needed to ease the obscurity he will face if that lie was made known. Yes, we do have your feeling on our mind but let’s be real about it; we are simply covering our ass.
Women you must think of a lie as a good thing not something merely to overshadow the true. Think of a lie as the sole purpose the relationship still existed. Without the lie you can only imagine how screwed up your relationship really is. Did that lie from your man make you feel better? Say yes because you know if he told the truth your soul would be crush. Once again this is why you should express thanks to your man because lying is sometime better than the truth.
i am in a relationship with this guy, we been together for a year. he lies to me when he dont comeover. like he saids he is coming over at a certain time and he dont show up at all. then he said he had a DR oppointment today, he will be over after his oppointment. well i text him and he wont talk to me or text me back. he is with his mom too.
Hi Dawn,
First, one or two lies during 1 year relationship is normal and he might not did it on purpose. If you think this is the case, read get him to commit for further advice.
However, if this been going on repeatedly for a while, you need to confront him and make it clear to him of where you stand in the relationship, your right to be respected as equal, and that you won’t settle for further disrespectful treatment. If he won’t respect you now, he’ll never be.
HONEY HE IS NOT WITH HIS MOM HE IS WITH OTHER BITCH WHEN THEY LIES TO U AND KEEP TELLING U THAT THEY ARE COMEING AND HAVE U WAITING ON THEM AND NEVER COMES CAUSE IT IS OTHER WOMAN THAR ARE SLEEPING WITHING HELL MY GOES OUT AND DO NOT COMES HOME UNTIL THE NEXTS DAY
I had this bf for over 3 years and he broke up with me because I can’t accept the sudden change in his lifestyle of drinking at pubs every night for a month.Part of the reason why I agreed to the break up was also because i suspect that he cheated on me when we had our cool off period. When I asked him about the girl (who works in a pub), he said all he did was to send her home from work a couple of times.
Now he wants a patch up but at the same time he is encouraging me to date someone else to see if that guy will be more suitable for me. He said he realised he loved me more than before after this breakup. However, I recently discovered that he still visits the pub that the girl is working at but lied to me about it.
I am lost at what to do. I can’t even be sure if he is true to me.
Hi Ashley,
Some relationships just don’t deserve to be preserved and it seems to me it’ll be better for you to move on with your life and seek for a new love.
If you still have doubts, I recommend you read this:
when to divorce.
It was originally written for married couple, but it still a good guide on measuring a relationship, whether it deserve to be preserved or not. Of course, the one you should measure is the last few months when you were still with your boyfriend.
Hope this help
HELL MY MEN WAS TAKE ONE HOME EVER DAM DAY AND RAT UNDER MY DAM NOSE RAT DOWN THE DAM STEERT FROM OUR HOUSE AND WAS FUCKING HER TO AND PUT ME OUT OUR HOUS ME AND OUR KIDS AND MOVE OTHER BITCH INN OUR HOUSE LIKE I SAY ONE TIME BEFOR GOD MADE MEN ,MEN DID NOT MADE GOD SO WHAT I AM SAYING IS THAT GOD IS NEVER SLEEP AND WHEN MANS HAS TO ANSWER FOR WHAT THEY DO AND HOW THEY HURT WOMEN THEY ANSWER FOR EVERTHANG THEY DO AND THEY WILL IN GODS LIFE AMEN MOVIE ON HONEY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
MEN ARE ALL PIGS.
I am not sure if i still want to go threw with my divorce, my husband of 12 years had an affair, for 6months. After I foung out, I saved some money and left with my 2kids.
Somedays i wonder why, and others i could care less about him.
After reading the infomation on this web site. I knew it was writen by a man…
Why is it a womens job to make sure he is secure, independent, and ego busting.
Please I have a full time job, take care of my 2 kids, with all the doctors, grocories, laundry, and everything else that happens on a daily basis,
And now you are trying to tell me my husband had a affair be cause he felt neglected.
I will tell you the same thing i told him,….
GROW UP, AND GROW A SET OF BALLS….
That is totaly B.S,
He is a adult also a relationship takes 2 people. no 1 doing everything, and the other having the right to fool around because there a guy, and men need resurance. what about us females. we deserve the same respect back!!!!!
Its not the 1900′s any more.
Hi Karen,
From what you said, I assume you’ve read why do men have affairs.
The article was originally written for women left by their men and still wondering why/what mistakes they made that destroyed the relationship. Thus, the article was made as a list of self-examination question to prevent the same thing from happening again in the future on another relationship. Probably with the same man or probably with another.
I’m not saying that there is no man who leaves his woman simply because he was a jerk that afraid of responsibility. Such men DO exist and probably there’s quite a lot of them. But hey, if he really was a jerk and that’s why he left you, you’re perfectly capable of judging that and doesn’t need anyone to tell you, right?
Besides, if I wrote an article [Why men leave women? a) Because he's a jerk, b) Because he's afraid of commitment, etc], I don’t think it’ll benefit anyone. It’ll only fuel the reader’s anger towards their men and probably makes them afraid to start a new relationship. That’s something I don’t want to happen to my reader.
I’ve been dating a guy since November. We live with each other now. I get the feeling he is trolling for other girls. I found text messages in his phone to an ex g/f from HS that asked if her friend had checked out his pics yet. I confront him about it and he says he don’t know why someone wants to see his photos she just asked to see what he looked like. Which common sense makes you ask why does she care? Now he’s lying about facebook messaging girls. I have his login info and saw every message he sent to this one girl and I get a text and he asks who I’m texting. I say well who are you facebooking and he replies with No one. I’ve told him I don’t care if he has girl friends as long as the conversations aren’t inappropriate, yet all I get are lies and a phone that’s been cleared out of all messages. It’s irritating. I want to kick him out, but now we have a meshed family with his kids and my son. I’d hate to have to cause instability in their lives again.
Hi April,
Since the problem is infidelity, maybe these articles can help you:
signs he is cheating
why do men have affairs
how to catch a cheater
I HAVE A QUESTION, I HAVE BEEN DATING A GUY FOR 16 MONTHS, WE MET THRU SOME CO WORKERS AND STARTED DATING SHORTLY AFTER. HIS EX GIRLFRIEND ENDED UP CALLING ME ONCE AND SHE TOLD ME THEY WERE STILL TOGETHER. ANWAYAS THAT WAS SHORTLY DIFUSED BECAUSE HE INVITED ME OVER AND SHE WASNT THERE. COME TO FIND OUT SHE HAD JUST LEFT. (LIE #1) SHE TOLD ME THAT I HAVENT EVEN BEGUN TO KNOW THE REAL HIM & WAIT UNTIL THE CHILDS MOTHER GOT A HOLD OF MY NUMBER. HE AND I WORK IN THE SAME COMPANY AND THERE ARE FEW GIRLS. HE USED 2 SPEAK SO BADLY OF THE OTHER FEW GIRLS I FIGURED WERE “KINDA” HIS TYPE AND COME 2 FIND OUT HE HAD ALREADY HAD SEX WITH BOTH OF THEM. WOW/OUCH/SLAP IN THE FACE….. ONTOP OF ALL THIS I EVEN HAD HERRASSIN EMAILS FROM THE CHILDS MOTHER, FACEBOOK MESSAGES AND ALL TYPES OF PHONE CALLS. ALL OF THIS WERE BEFORE AND FOR THE PAST 6MONTHS WE’VE HAD NO ISSUES…BUT WAIT ANOTHER CHICK POPPED UP FROM HIS PAST…….. DO I “BELIEVE” HIM OR DO I CHALK IT UP AS A LOST????? IM MOVING TO ANOTHER LOCATION AND IM ACTUALLY “TELLING” HIM THAT I’D BE A FOOL TO “BELIEVE” THAT HE CAN HANDLE A LONG DISTANCE BECAUSE HE COULDNT EVEN DO RIGHT WITH ME HERE. DOES IT TAKE 1 FULL YEAR FOR A MAN TO REALIZE THAT 6 WOMEN IN A YEARS IS TOO DAMN MUCH TO GET THE 1 HE REALLY WANTED ALL ALONG OR HE WILL NEVER CHANGE??????????????? HE SAYS IM BEING TOO HARSH BUT I THINK IM BEING REAL WITH MYSELF. HELP !!!!!
hi NJMA,
Let me summarize what you’ve said:
- he got kids and a single parents
- he got many ex girlfriends who think he still loves them
- the kids mother harassed every girlfriend he has because she (probably) still love him
All of these are probably okay if he’s being honest with you about all his ex and the situation with the kids mother, but apparently he didn’t.
I think you already grasped the situation well by deciding to move out. You just have this little doubt in your heart “what if he actually can change?”
Well, he definitely need to change, but it’s not your job to change him and nor I think you should sacrifice yourself for a guy you’ve just dated for a year.
If it’s too hard for you to break up with him immediately, arrange a “no contact” rule for a while. This will allows both of you to re-evaluate the relationship calmly.
I got a question..why do men lie even though they are busted? I am with my fiancee for 5 yrs nw and have big problem with this youtube…he would go on the youtube ande watch booty clap…and i hate that…after going through this, it seems like he finally stop but then went at it agin …y is that? i thought if a man truly love his woman he would drop habits and b/c he doent want to lose her..but going it again ..sneaky??? he stated i pleased him…is it that i dnt satisfy him?? also i though of this b/c lately he would hold me and kiss me to wake up if i do fall asleep so that i can spend time with him..while the children are sleeping.. and i got the instinct to search..b/c he is nt touchy as i thought..so noticing all those things drive me to do that..and Boom! i c something..and i dint come at him just like that i did my research…please explain….
I was with my man for six years.Everything was perfect for about six months.
after that it was going down hill. For three years my heart hurt so bad.I got so mad
I became a mirror.everything he did to me I already did to him.
This went on about to more years and then I gave up on him.
I had to find my self again in faith.I hated being that mad.but it felt
so go to let go.I had to find myself again and love me more.belive it or not
we are still friends great friends now .but a wise person once
said (become that person first before you let someone in)
I still love him but I choose god .and if the time come for use again………..
…..well I’ll cross that crossfit bridge when I get to it.lol
my ex can not tell the truth even when i catch him in a lie he blames someone else he lies too me and about me how sick is he he lies to his mother sister brother. his boss i want to tell him i hate him so much the pain he has put me throu
Dear Richard. I, truly, believe you are helping women understand why men lie but each action suffers consequences. The bottom line is are they prepared for the consequeces. We know that is the loss of what they are protecting. Also, if honesty is prized so much – why can’t they do it. Afterall, if you want something you will be an example of it.
Hi ive been married for nearley 20years,but mt husband keeps lying to me about,he has given up smoking he is going through cancer at the moment and ive just found fags in his pocket