If you see this, remember that this is NOT the end of the world
A number of couples have undergone marriage counseling because of extramarital conflicts. The process they undergo is so painful they need professional help. Nobody can blame them if they resort to that option. When a marriage is suffering from infidelity issues, everything around them is affected. The couple ends up fighting, blaming and cursing. All their wonderful moments are turned upside down.
However, impossible as it may seem, a marriage on the brink of separation can still be mended in due time. Below are five encouraging tips for couples who’d like to hold on despite the pain.
The Honest Culprit
Dishonesty in marriage cannot be resolved with another act of dishonesty. When confronting an infidelity issue, the betrayer must confess everything and explain the reasons. Was it because of marriage dissatisfaction? Was it because of irresistible temptations? Was it because of unresolved past issues? The unfaithful must express everything so both can help each other in resolving and bringing it to an end. He or she must be sincerely sorry about the pain it has caused the partner.
The Choice to Forgive
There are no shortcuts when it comes to forgiving a person. It will probably take months or years for the aggrieved to accept and let go of the truth. Demanding for space is normal, too. Withdrawal symptom is a defense mechanism to cope up with pain. However, to save the marriage, one must choose to forgive the other in due time. This is the only way of relieving the pain in the heart.
Going On Dates Again
When both parties are ready, they can go on dates with each other again. They can go for a walk, have dinner at a restaurant, watch a wonderful movie together, etc. They should not rush things; they must take one day at a time. When the moment that both of them are convinced that everything has fallen into place, they may agree on how they’ll take their relationship from there on. They must promise each other never to repeat the same mistakes all over again.
The Symbolic Scar
Unfaithfulness doesn’t kill a person, it only leaves a scar. It represents an act that will never be forgotten but it also provides an opportunity for a person to heal oneself. A scar doesn’t bleed anymore. Even if you pinch it many times, it won’t hurt like before. It may trigger sad memories but once the couple has managed to let go of their resentment, it will just remind them that what doesn’t kill make them stronger.
Zipping the Mouth
Unless the issue is recurring, they should not bring up the infidelity problem every time they have a misunderstanding. There’s nothing they can do with history but the present and the future are still in their hands. If they still dig the past, it simply means they haven’t fully resolved the infidelity issue. They must work on this because it is detrimental to their self-esteem and confidence.
The process of patching things up after an infidelity issue is not smooth-sailing at all. The couple must learn to forgive and trust again to establish a stronger relationship.