My Husband Wants a Divorce – Evaluate Your Role in Your Marriage through Six Questions

She stares at the band around her weakest finger for a while and then turns her gaze into the darkness of the night. It was right there at the porch where he proposed to her. No, it wasn’t like the movies. He didn’t bring any props for the drama but still, it made her giggle as the moment was romantic in itself. But as she stares at the ring again, a teardrop falls onto her hand. They’ve had big fights recently. Musing on his gestures, justifications and preferences, she concludes, “My husband wants a divorce.”

Resorting to freedom is quite tempting. But a wife who values the sacrament of matrimony will ask herself how she can satisfy her husband in different ways. In evaluating her role in their union, she must answer the questions stated below.

Do you appreciate him for being a good provider?

Men have always acted as providers. Centuries ago, they go hunting in the forest and bring food for their families. With our gender sensitivity pursuits, it may not be true to all cases nowadays but still, most man would like to get that feeling of personal worth for being able to take care of the materials needs of his wife and children.

Do you give him enough silence?

Men by nature are not as blabby as women. When they are tensed, problematic or in deep thought, they need space and silence. Though this gives women a shot of paranoia, they’d like some time on their own. If he’s not interested in lengthy conversations, let him be. He may not be talking but he’s still thinking.

Do you talk to him squarely?

Another difference between men and women is how they convey their message. The former are straightforward while the latter beat around the bush. This unlikeness causes serious arguments and worse, it makes some wives say, “My husband wants a divorce.” Refrain from making long introductions or from letting him read between the lines always. As much as possible, get straight to the point. You can still do it with tact.

Do you initiate lovemaking from time to time?

Let’s face the fact that sex is important for men. Women who are responsive in bed attract them. If you’re not in the mood, explain it to him gently and he will understand. Further, men don’t want to control the situation all the time. They want their partners to do their share of first moves as well. By the way, men love sexy underwear.

Do you let him hang out with his friends?

Men value friendship like women do. Talking about sports, cars, art and current events over some bottles of booze makes them realize there is a world outside their home. Don’t get easily jealous with the time he spends with his friends. If you do, it sends him the message that you’re controlling his life.

Do you take care of yourself for him?

After a long day at work, your husband wouldn’t want to get home to see you in your torn oversized clothes. Men want their women to be their prettiest trophy so mind the way you physically project yourself. However, don’t get too obsessed with your looks as it turns them off. Just practice proper hygiene, buy clothes that fit you well and make yourself appealing to him.

If you’re a wife who’s caught up with a my-husband-wants-a-divorce issue, try to answer these questions and from your answers, generate ideas on how to save your marriage from your end. Discuss it with him. Say sorry if you made mistakes against his nature in the past. If your husband truly cares for you, he will understand you don’t want to end your relationship. Of course, he must also do his part in saving it. Love is not a one-way street after all.

Involving an expert through marriage counseling is the fastest way to solve  marriage problems, but if you can’t get him to go with you, I’d suggest you to get an expert help in Saving Your Marriage. I’m sure Dr Frank Gunzburg and his team can give you the best solution to avoid divorce.

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5 Responses to My Husband Wants a Divorce – Evaluate Your Role in Your Marriage through Six Questions

  1. d says:

    If your husband has been in and out of the marriage for years, how do you know if he is really wanting out and serious about staying gone? what causes men to want out and then come back then want out and come back repeatedly?

  2. Sara says:

    my husband of two years took a job in another city without discussing it with me in June 2013. I couldn’t believe that he made that decision without discussing it with me.
    I have been the provider in the household for just about everything but the rent that we share equally.
    Now he is looking for a place to stay in the other city and doesn’t want to pay his part for our rent anymore.
    Now, He stops communicating during the week, he doesn’t come back home during the weekends, he is telling me that he has no time for me. This past month was horrible living in the uncertainty of our relationship.
    I am trying to reach out for us to communicate face to face without success. Any suggestions?

  3. Judy says:

    My husband and I have been married almost 10 years. During these years, we had supported each other a lot. Our love foundation was very strong. Now, we are both around 32 years old.

    Unluckily, last year, we fought a lot over our differences.

    Education wise, I have a master degree with a CPA designation, he has an associate degree but he is a very knowledgeable person and a handy man. We had never fight about our education background.

    Finance wise, I don’t make that much but I do make about quite a bit more than he do and our spending habits were different, sometimes I tell him that he spent too much but he responded that he also made money too. We had a few arguments on and off. Such as, I suggested him that we should have a separate saving account rather than leave everything in the checking account. He said no. I feel it is very hard to get him agreed on something unless he was in a good mood. And also, sometimes I do wish he can make a bit more money but I can deal with this fact. But sometimes, he think he has been belittled because I was “telling” him to do something.

    Workwise, he seems suffer quite a bit work stress and commute stress. He has to drive one and half hour one way to commute to work.

    Trust wise, I always 100% trust him that he won’t cheat on me. We also give each other personal space. I don’t think trust is an issue between us.

    Now, both of us are thinking that we have grown apart. Sometimes I feel I still love him a lot but sometimes I feel I want a better man. I also feel he still have lots of feelings to me but the sweet moment is always short and we could be fight in the next second. He has very short patience to me nowadays, so do I to him. We had mentioned divorce for three times(I did once and he did twice). Every time, I was the one apologize and tried to keep the relationship working. Every time after the fight, I was the one always open for communication but he was the one always left home without coming back for a few days. He wasn’t open for communication until he wanted to.

    This time, I mentioned I wanted to have kid with him. He said he didn’t want one in his life or at least not now. I told him that I was getting old and I started to get emotional, even asked him to choose between having kid and marriage. I might pushed it too hard. We weren’t talking until next day, he told me that he wanted a divorce and we were done. Right after that, he went back to the guest room and locked the door. This time, I didn’t say anything or do anything like I did last few times. I felt hurt so much how he could say divorce so easily without even calmly thinking offer me some options. The next day, he seemed calm and asked me what I wanted to do with this. I asked him back with the same question. He started to talk about divorce steps.

    I really don’t know whether our marriage is still workable or not and I don’t know how our marriage got here. I am so confused whether it is good to keep the marriage working for another round or it is better let it go. I always have hard time to let the 10 years marriage go just like that, on the other hand, with my increasing age, I do want to work towards my own family, however, my husband isn’t ready at all and he kept on telling people “live the way you like”.

    Is our marriage over? It would be so much work to date again. To me, the most important thing is to have a comfortable home, a caring family, focus more on career and do exciting activities with my husband together.

  4. Shreyasi says:

    I am 21 and my husband is 27.We are married for last one and a half years.Every time we fight,he says I will leave you.
    And now my husband wants a divorce for the following reasons-Firstly,I hide stuffs from him.Secondly,I tell lies.Thirdly,my male friends call me late at night,though i do not answer them.
    And I accept the fact that I do so but i do it because he chats on internet with girls for 14-15 hours a day hiding them from me.And not simply chatting but goes around proposing girls and has sex chats too.Moreover,he watches pornography a lot again without my knowledge.His laptop has about 100gb of Pornographic movies in it.I keep an eye on him so I got to know it!
    Our sexual life is too good,there’s no doubt about it.But once he made me pregnant at an age of 19 and when i asked him to support me,he simply stepped back, and refused talking to me even.I ultimately had to abort it with the help of a friend.

    • Richard says:

      Hi Shreyasi,

      It doesn’t sound like a healthy relationship to me, but I can decide for you. I suggest you read when to divorce. It’ll help you to assess the marriage and decide if it’s worth to keep. It may lead to a very tough decision, but nothing can justify leading a stressful marriage life for the rest your life

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