When you say, “My husband cheated on me,” everyone around you would understand the excruciating process you’re going through. The confirmation would be a like a bomb dropped into your heart and that would lead to feelings of betrayal, confusion and hatred. Imagine these within you. They will definitely pull you down to the darkest pit and influence your perspective of the world as a place of suffering.
When you’re in this state, you can think of hundreds of possibilities to get the pain out of your system. However, be reminded that not all these options can help. Here are some.
Take a deep breath.
Your husband can’t blame you for throwing harsh words and calling him and the other woman names. But is being the best drama queen what you really need to be? Don’t you think it will simply worsen the issue? Take a deep breath and calm yourself, instead. The mouth may be a good outlet of pain but before it shouts, curses and hurts your husband’s ego, use your nose first. Like its effect during yoga meditation, it will give you a sense of awareness of what’s happening around you.
Know the truth.
When you’re ready for a positive confrontation, ask your husband to explain what happened. Surprisingly, like you, he might have not seen it coming. You might have ways and practices that contributed to his infidelity. He might have pressing needs that weren’t addressed by your marriage. Let him explain and be all ears. This isn’t the easiest tip you’ll ever read but it’s worth trying. After all, it’s the truth that will help you resolve this serious marriage problem.
Express the pain.
Your husband needs to empathically listen to how his unfaithfulness has affected you. If you stretched out your patience to hear his side, he must do the same for you. If you’re more comfortable doing this with other people, then let it be. A hug from a family member or the helping hand of a dear friend will help you go through. They’ll be there from the second you say, “My husband cheated on me” until everything’s ironed out. There’s no point of keeping the hurt to yourself. Though pain may be healthy at times, dwelling on it will cause lifetime bitterness.
Give yourself some time to decide.
If you truly love each other, divorce won’t be your first option. You wouldn’t want to instantly throw your wonderful years to the trash can. Give yourself some space and time. Do you feel motivated to save the union? Is your husband deeply sorry for his huge mistake? Are you both willing to give your marriage another try? If your answers are in the affirmative, there’s no reason to live under different roofs.
Understand that forgiveness is a process.
If you decide to keep the knot tied, you can’t expect everything to return to how it was right away. There might be instances of skepticism, distrust and paranoia but these are quite normal for a couple who has undergone an infidelity issue. What’s important is you don’t allow yourself to be drowned by these negative forces. Gradually, you need to overcome this by focusing on your and your partner’s effort to strengthen the relationship.
Nobody can undo what has happened. You can never change the statement, “My husband cheated on me.” What’s under your control is your reaction to the situation. You can choose to let your husband go and he would understand your decision. However, you can also choose to forgive the act and take it as a stumbling block that may form part of the foundation of your relationship. It’s up to you to discern which one is the best for your marriage.
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On Marriage Sherpa’s How to Survive an Affair, you’ll discover:
– How to handle anxiety, pain, and depression
– How to cool your desire for revenge
– How to rebuild trust into the marriage
Visit How to Survive an Affair