Handling the occurred problems wisely is the key to long lasted marriage
Problems are inevitable part of married life. To imagine a couple going along a road without humps and puddles can be very bland. It’s the hurdles that test the maturity and commitment of one for the other. It’s the issues that strengthen the relationship, if handled in a healthy and effective way. They don’t have to be labeled as stressors per se because on the other side of the coin, they bring meaning to the union.
Enumerated below are some marriage advice to nine of the most common marriage problems. If tried out at homes, they can let the couple see the silver lining in every cloud.
One of the reasons why couples get hot-tempered is the lack of resources to make ends meet. At a time when both basic commodities and unemployment rate are steadily increasing, living a quality life can remain a dream for many. This situation evokes dreaded disputes when bills, loan notices and tuition reminders pile up and raising voices is the only way couples know of to release their frustration.
It’s a no-brainer to say that this can be resolved through a practical budgeting discussion. List necessities (e.g. house rental, loans, food, school fees, etc.) under your fixed expenses and prioritize them over items (e.g. vacations, additional appliances, buying the latest gadget, etc.) under the flexible category. Anticipate the cost and figure out how you’ll earn that amount. Learn to plan in a realistic manner.
Parenting Style Differences
Parenting styles of couples develop over time. It starts from how they were brought up during childhood and continues to gradually form as they store knowledge from books, stories and experiences. Because they grew up in different environments and therefore acquired individual belief systems, this at times results to clashes in nurturing, disciplining and raising kids.
Co-parenting is the best option for this tug-of-war. Both of you have a say in how to bring out the best in your kids since you are both responsible for their welfare. Agree on a child-centered parenting style to be imposed in the family. Don’t focus on who controls or whose instructions to follow. Don’t undermine your partner’s ability to rear a child, either. Instead, concentrate on building a solid foundation of positive values for your kids’ emotional security and optimistic perspective in life.
Intimacy in couples springs from love-making. It’s a special physical bond that glues them in their entire marriage. Sex satisfaction makes both parties feel happier and more loved. There may be days or weeks when hectic schedules, fatigue and concerns result to ebbing but it shouldn’t be left that way. It will create a gap and if not properly addressed, the lack of attachment can lead to frigidity and other serious marital problems.
See to it that you make time to cherish the most sacred connection you have. There isn’t really a standard sexual frequency that is considered normal for all couples. You just have to ascertain that both your and your partner’s physical desires are met. When there is sexual dissatisfaction in marriage, it gives rise to distress and lack of excitement. To keep yourselves from experiencing the worst, be committed to maintain sexual attraction in your marriage.
Fights over Household Responsibilities
Household chores seem to be a very minor issue but they can also cause heated arguments at home. When both husband and wife have full-time jobs, they get too exhausted to cook, do the dishes, clean the house and pay the bills. Hectic schedule and fatigue easily push them to flare up even at small stuffs. When in this state, the sight of a used sock left at the living room or a spoon that fell on the kitchen floor can ruin the peaceful atmosphere.
Division of household responsibilities is the best strategy to prevent or pacify fights over this issue. Discuss what chores you can do in your house based on your physical strength, capabilities, interests and free time. Coming up with a clear-cut schedule or timetable can be a form of organized and tangible marriage help. Of course, things should not end up with the plan. Promise each other to stick with the agreement. If things don’t occur as expected, stretch your flexibility and patience.
Misunderstanding with Parents-in Law
It is not surprising to hear married couples encountering infuriating in-law problems. This is more common for wives who find their mothers-in-law too nosy about their way of managing the household and upbringing children. The conflict starts when they don’t come into agreement as to how things should be done. Coming from two different generations lead to opposing ideas and at times, there may be underlying issues like cultural difference, competition for attention and superiority complex.
When you get married, you are not only marrying your partner. You’re also accepting everything and everyone he/she loves, including his/her parents. Though independence or taste of freedom can be easily resolved by relocating somewhere far from your in-law, it is only a form of flight and in actuality, it never fixes the problem. The best option is to communicate effectively, set boundaries and respect each other’s decisions. It is easier said than done but it’s worth trying many times.
Apart from the worsening economic situation, both the husband and wife prefer to pursue their career for sense of achievement. While this fulfills personal and financial needs, it may result to lack of time for the family. Business appointments, meetings, out-of-town travels steal their days and attention for their partner and kids. As a consequence, they may forget important dates they used to celebrate or even sacrifice their child’s school events for work.
You can deal with this concern by determining your priorities. Maintaining a thriving career isn’t bad at all but remind yourself that your marriage is at stake if you get too engrossed with it. Ensure that you spend quality time with your family. During your days off, go on a picnic in a park, watch a movie together or spend lazy days at home. Take care of this bond for your glory at work would mean nothing if you live in a sad home.
This marital problem springs from too much familiarity, lack of stimulation in any form and sheer monotony. When everything is too predictable, it doesn’t pose challenge anymore. When boredom strikes, marriage becomes an enforced responsibility too heavy to bear. The willingness to nurture the bond gets jaded and the couple lives in routine like lifeless robots under the same roof.
This emotional state can be prevented by trying out new exciting things. Don’t just sleep this off or fill the boring moments with television gags. Use your imagination and keep discovering interesting things to do together. You can join clubs or circles where you’ll learn a new skill or interact with other people. You can also go to a dance club, engage in sports or help an unfortunate community. These opportunities are just there. You just have to look for them.
Unwillingness to Have Kids
Having kids is one of the major decisions the couple have to agree upon since it already involves another life. Parenthood means additional responsibilities in physical, emotional and financial aspects. The conflict arises when one is willing to raise a baby but the other isn’t ready to face the challenge. This dissonance often results to need dissatisfaction, a main cause of bitterness and stress in the relationship.
Family planning is the best way to go through this issue. If you’re the one who’s unwilling, lay out the cards and explain your side to your spouse. Is it because of your financial status? Is it because you’re still enjoying each other’s attention? Is it because of unresolved childhood issues? No matter how valid your reasons are, listen to your partner’s thoughts as well and then meet halfway.
When couples have unexpressed negative feelings for each other, they tend to treat each other badly for irrational reasons. They end up projecting their anger or frustration by worsening minor mistakes. These suppressed resentments put the concerned in discomfort and if these aren’t let go, they unknowingly cloud thoughts and impair interaction.
If you have repressed grudges, openness will help you feel better. It is best to discuss them with your partner in an objective manner. Tell him/her how it all started and what instances trigger your ill feelings. Keeping them to yourself isn’t healthy; don’t wait for yourself to explode because you can’t contain them anymore. Further, letting your spouse know will keep him/her aware of his/her areas for improvement and will also clarify what could possibly be misconceptions.
It takes a lot of effort and compassion to get through the common marriage problems mentioned above. Though they are a source of tension and a cause of strains in the relationship, they also serve as opportunities for deeper awareness of your and your partner’s tendencies, strengths and weaknesses. Coupled with our marriage advice, this understanding will inspire self-growth and will form part of a stronger marriage foundation.