When you start asking, “Is my wife having an affair?” you question three important values in your marriage – trust, honesty and loyalty. When your trust is shaken, you feel the flood of depression gushing through your veins. When your partner’s truthfulness is in trial, you feel a sense of betrayal. Sadly, when you face issues of unfaithfulness, you feel your worth as a person is being crushed into pieces.
It can be a very difficult phase and you might end up losing yourself if you don’t handle it with grace and composure. Here are five questions that will help you treat the case objectively, manage the stress and prepare yourself for the worst.
Why are you asking the question?
Interpreting the signs plays a great role in infidelity management. It’s not enough to hastily judge your wife based on the birth-control pills you see in her bag, on the new underwear she bought or on how cold she gets in bed. You have to be careful with your assumptions as you might be victimized by your own paranoia.
You may start asking, “Is my wife having an affair?” if there are consistencies in the changes of her behavior. A one-time night out with colleagues may just be a part of her company’s rest and recreation program but if it comes with excessive overtime at the office, successive out of town trips with buddies and unreasonable excuses to get away from home, your confusion can be considered valid.
If there’s a person who knows your wife from head to toe, that would be you. Since you live under the same roof, you’ll definitely know when she’s telling lies or when she’s true to her words. You’ll notice if she has changed the way she uses the Internet and her cell phone. Watch out for these consistent changes and conflicting alibis.
What have you possibly done to drive her away from your marriage?
One of the common reasons why women cheat is discontentment in their relationship. Women are not the visual type who get easily attracted to sexy abs and unlike men, they are better in controlling physical urges. Many women cheat because their need for emotional security and belongingness isn’t addressed by their spouse.
When you see symptoms of infidelity, try to ask yourself if you’ve tried all means to appreciate her as who she is, meet her needs as a woman, and make her feel special. Do you allot enough quality time for her and your family? Do you still stare at her eyes and tell her how much she means to you? Do you still celebrate anniversaries, birthdays and special occasions like how you did during your first year as a couple? Do you still buy her simple souvenirs, whisper sweet nothings and have pillow talks?
Unknowingly, your treatment might be the reason why she took another direction. Assessing yourself will also help you resolve the problem.
What could probably be her personal reasons for wandering away from you?
Of course, you’re not solely responsible for all your wife’s acts and decisions. She has her own issues, weaknesses and tendencies that can hamper your marriage. Figure out her personal reasons why she’s swerving to another direction. Is it all because of her recent communication with a long lost love on a social networking site? Is she influenced or tolerated by people who are in the same boat? Is it because of her old habit of going out with different men?
As a husband, you may squarely tell her how you feel about the situation. Instead of blaming her behavior, focus on yourself so she won’t become defensive. This way, she can also empathize what you’re going through and refrain from hurting you any further. From her reaction, you will know how much she values you and your marriage. If she’s really keeping a secret, this confession can serve as a tap and will stop whatever she’s doing behind your back.
How will you possibly confirm her infidelity?
Amazingly, you can arm yourself with techie gadgets like spy phone software, GPS car tracker and hidden mini-cams to catch her on the act. If you can’t hire Sherlock Holmes for resolving your issue, you can easily high-five with technology. If you don’t have both, then remember this line: No one can keep a skeleton in the cupboard forever, unless your wife has a mind as brilliant as the casts of a heist film.
Unfaithfulness may be proven with simple yet obvious indicators. Some of it may be accidental like a slip of the tongue, an unexpected blurt or a trashed email forgotten to be permanently deleted. Out-of-the-blue calls or text messages from an unknown number can confirm your suspicions as well. Snooping in a relationship where full disclosure is expected can be a tiresome trespassing act but if it’s the only way to save your sanity, you’re entitled to do so.
Nevertheless, in the end, “signs” and “indicators” are just not enough because you need something real. Something solid to prove that she actually IS or ISN’T cheating on you. Using gadget doesn’t have to be expensive and carefully planned question can reel her to reveal the truth. As these kind of techniques are beyond the scope of this article, I suggest you visit Sarah Paul’s Catch A Cheating Spouse for all information you’ll need to do this.
How will you deal with the what-ifs?
If you get a negative answer at the end of your Is-my-wife-having-an-affair quest, you earn relief for yourself. However, if things go the other way, how will you handle your relationship? Do you have enough strength to be slapped on your face by truth? Do you have the maturity for a sincere and constructive confrontation? Will you have the courage to sign the divorce documents if she chooses the other man over you?
“I want to tell you that I feel so much for you that it hurts but to feel your love slip away hurts so much more.” This line from an infidelity poem summarizes the pain of a fooled husband. If fate puts you in this situation, just keep in mind that drowning your sorrows won’t get you anywhere. Give yourself not only a phase for hurting but also for healing. You will realize that no one but you yourself can complete your being.
When cheating signs are sprouting anywhere, you always have the right to ask, “Is my wife having an affair?” After all, you need to protect yourself emotionally, physically and mentally. To prevent fear from gnawing at you, follow your gut and don’t allow yourself to be the last person to discover. But as you go through the process, don’t get too desperate. Stay calm and composed for eventually you will find what you seek.