From the paragraph above, it can be inferred that to strengthen your marriage bond, all you need to do is to regularly hang out with your partner. This will give you quality time to know and be known, appreciate and be appreciated, cherish and be cherished. Below are four common activities you must ensure you do together most of the time.

Eat Together

When you’re eating together, you prefer to talk about pleasant things. Don’t you notice that when you fight over dinner or talk about heartaches while eating, you lose your appetite? It’s because food has always been connected with happy thoughts. That’s why couples who go food tripping at different restaurants don’t only satisfy their cravings but also bank on wonderful memories. You don’t have to spend too much for this, though. Eating together at home at least twice a day is more than enough.

Sleep Together

The most sacred and exciting thing about being married can be done in the bedroom. Hence, there’s no reason for you to dislike going to sleep together, cuddling each other in bed and having a short intimate conversation before traveling to dreamland. You spend one third of your day in slumber and even if you’re unconscious during this stage, you must see to it that you’re comfortable sharing the bed with each other. For if you’re uneasy with your spouse when you’re both asleep, how much more when you’re awake?

Plan Together

It’s natural that your relationship will be challenged by your career, personal priorities and individual preferences. These usually become hindrances in spending quality time with one another. To prevent this from happening, plan together and adjust with your likes and dislikes. You can also agree to compromise once in a while. After all, love requires sacrifice to be with the most special person in your life.

Pray Together

Seeing a couple or a family attending the holy mass has always been a heartwarming scene. If spirituality somehow directs your relationship, make it a point to visit church or pray together for enlightenment. Those who do this often say it brings them great, positive energies. If you’re not the religious type, allot time for shared personal reflections about how life is treating you as a couple. Being serious at times may let you feel more grateful for all the blessings in your marriage.

Doing things together all the time is unhealthy, though. You also have to give yourself some space for individual freedom and personal choices. But once you decide to enter the sacrament of matrimony, you must understand that you’re giving up a big part of it. When you sign the marriage contract, you agree to use ‘we’ more often than ‘I.”

I Do: do you have what it takes to keep the "until death do us part" vow?

If you’re wearing the wedding ring soon, here’s a secret for you: one of the proactive ways of having a smooth sailing married life is anticipating the possible hurdles you will encounter.

It’s comparable to preparing for a national licensure exam. You get pointers from those who already made it and you try to equip yourself with necessary knowledge and skills that will guide you in resolving the stumbling blocks. Of course, this isn’t a guarantee that you’ll have a successful union since everything will be tested once you’re there. But somehow, you can make use of what you know in a positive way.

Financial Problems

Making the ends meet is a common problem couples face. It can even totally wreck marriage as this problem can lead to loud arguments, insecurities, outbursts of anger and other more serious issues if not dealt with appropriately. Money brings in the basic necessities to the family. If the couple can’t address their need for food, shelter, clothing, health and children’s education, relationships are somehow affected.

Third Parties

Unfaithfulness arises because of dissatisfaction in marriage. Causes of dissatisfaction varies in every relationship. It can be personality differences, sickening habits like nagging and irrational blaming, lack of attention and care and even poor hygiene. If they try to resolve it by fulfilling their needs through another person, they’ll be in a great trouble. The aggrieved will lose trust and confidence in their partner. The feeling of betrayal is just too painful to be easily forgiven.

Physical Problems

What makes marriage a unique relationship is it legally allows you to bond with your partner in bed. However, some people are negligent with their partner’s physical needs. They feed themselves with much work that when they get home, they’re too tired for some cuddling. This setup causes lack of attachment, a very important factor in marriage. It causes a great deal of dissatisfaction and it seriously affects the union.

Boredom

Love is sweet in its first stage because the spark is overflowing. But as years pass by, everything seems to be too trite and familiar. At times, it leads to feeling of contempt and boredom. Couples who fail to keep the fire burning are usually those who are only committed to the happy side of marriage. They forget that one of the greatest challenges in married life is discovering something new and interesting in their partner’s life every day.

Parenting Issues

Being a parent entails great responsibilities. Couples encounter many challenges in between changing diapers to sending their children to universities. At times they have different preferences in upbringing. One may spoil the kids with too much video games while the other would love them to value reading. One might decide to send the kids to a private school while the other might be contented with the free education offered by the government. These simple things can cause niggling arguments at home.

But don’t frown at married life because of these issues. Though they sometimes destroy marriage, they offer the promise of strength too if both parties are mature and wise enough to handle them. If you believe in your partner and in your love for each other, you’ll overcome all these trials and be proud of what you have.

If you see this, remember that this is NOT the end of the world

A number of couples have undergone marriage counseling because of extramarital conflicts. The process they undergo is so painful they need professional help. Nobody can blame them if they resort to that option. When a marriage is suffering from infidelity issues, everything around them is affected. The couple ends up fighting, blaming and cursing. All their wonderful moments are turned upside down.

However, impossible as it may seem, a marriage on the brink of separation can still be mended in due time. Below are five encouraging tips for couples who’d like to hold on despite the pain.

The Honest Culprit

Dishonesty in marriage cannot be resolved with another act of dishonesty. When confronting an infidelity issue, the betrayer must confess everything and explain the reasons. Was it because of marriage dissatisfaction? Was it because of irresistible temptations? Was it because of unresolved past issues? The unfaithful must express everything so both can help each other in resolving and bringing it to an end. He or she must be sincerely sorry about the pain it has caused the partner.

The Choice to Forgive

There are no shortcuts when it comes to forgiving a person. It will probably take months or years for the aggrieved to accept and let go of the truth. Demanding for space is normal, too. Withdrawal symptom is a defense mechanism to cope up with pain. However, to save the marriage, one must choose to forgive the other in due time. This is the only way of relieving the pain in the heart.

Going On Dates Again

When both parties are ready, they can go on dates with each other again. They can go for a walk, have dinner at a restaurant, watch a wonderful movie together, etc. They should not rush things; they must take one day at a time. When the moment that both of them are convinced that everything has fallen into place, they may agree on how they’ll take their relationship from there on. They must promise each other never to repeat the same mistakes all over again.

The Symbolic Scar

Unfaithfulness doesn’t kill a person, it only leaves a scar. It represents an act that will never be forgotten but it also provides an opportunity for a person to heal oneself. A scar doesn’t bleed anymore. Even if you pinch it many times, it won’t hurt like before. It may trigger sad memories but once the couple has managed to let go of their resentment, it will just remind them that what doesn’t kill make them stronger.

Zipping the Mouth

Unless the issue is recurring, they should not bring up the infidelity problem every time they have a misunderstanding. There’s nothing they can do with history but the present and the future are still in their hands. If they still dig the past, it simply means they haven’t fully resolved the infidelity issue. They must work on this because it is detrimental to their self-esteem and confidence.

The process of patching things up after an infidelity issue is not smooth-sailing at all. The couple must learn to forgive and trust again to establish a stronger relationship.

Though the motivation is there, the ways on how to win back the love is more difficult to carry on. It’s all because you tend to act based on how you feel, not on how you think. To make things simpler for you, here are the guidelines to help you get your heart’s desire.

Guideline No. 1: Don’t beg.

Beggars who chase after you gives you a feeling of either pity or annoyance. You trigger the same emotions if you’re down on your knees to plead and say, “Please come back to me. I will do anything for you.” Because this is not attractive, chances are you’re pushing your ex even farther. It makes him realize that he just made the right decision.

Guidelines No. 2: Don’t bug.

Only a few people have a heart for bugs. They are usually being avoided or put out by insecticides. In the same way, if you bug your ex with text messages, calls and emails, you’ll get the same treatment.  Don’t suffocate him with too much affection. Always saying “I still love you” or “I can’t help but think of you” are not the best lines in this stage. Give him space. He needs that. You need that even more.

Guideline No. 3: Don’t get wasted.

If you think booze will help you forget the pain, you’re right. But still, it won’t solve the problem. If going to bars and getting drunk is your best option, you’re making your life miserable and hopeless. Though it will get the attention of your ex-boyfriend, it will also make him think you’re not independent enough to manage your problems. This idea isn’t sexy for him at all. It will only drive him to look for someone who can take care of herself in difficult situations.

Guideline No. 4: Do find yourself.

When you’re boyfriend turns his back on you, it means one-less person to take care of. Hence, you can use that time and energy for your own growth. Look for a healthy diversion that will develop your talent, skill or interest. This method of turning lemon into lemonade is an act of a mature woman, something that will create a good impression on your ex.

Guideline No. 5: Do think reasonably.

Try to ponder what went wrong in the relationship. Was it because of personality differences? Was it because of another party? Was it because you didn’t have sufficient time for each other? Knowing the main cause of the breakup will bring up ideas on how to fix the broken pieces.

Guideline No. 6: Do communicate.

All problems are resolved by communication. When you’ve already calm down, talk to him heartily. Share the pain and discuss the possibility of getting back together. If your ex still cares for you, you would know right there and then if being in each other’s arms again is still possible.

If things don’t turn out the way you expect it, don’t blame yourself. It’s just telling you that there’s beauty in sunsets, that there are other things in store for you and that the best is yet to come.

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Simple activity like walking on the beach can strengthen your bond and re-lit near-forgotten passion

For a couple to strengthen their bond, they don’t need to schedule a backpacking adventure to Europe, buy fancy gifts for each other or regularly try any grand activities. More often than not, it’s the little things that matter more. They are the sand that forms part of the beach or the trees that create the forest. They weave the wonderful memories that couples like to reminisce from time to time.

Below are five simple but meaningful dating ideas you’d love to consider.

Moon Watching

Except on new moon or cloudy nights, you can do this at any place. Take a ten-minute break from watching TV and stay at the balcony to stare at the glowing moon. When you’re on your way home from work, park your car at a spot for some moonshine. Most movies overemphasize romance when the moon is perfectly round but the truth is, it never loses its radiance no matter what its shape is.

Wave Listening

You don’t even have to pack your swimwear for this activity. Just go to the beach, love the sand you’re lying on and listen to the therapeutic waves. You’ll hear one of the best musical pieces nature has ever produced. This is best done when the place isn’t jam-packed with beachgoers. The silence magnifies the wave sound and makes each other’s presence more felt.

Aimless Walking

Try this early in the morning or late afternoon to avoid the scorching heat. Put on your most comfortable footwear and go for a walk around your neighborhood or in a nearby park. If you prefer, you can drive somewhere and explore a different place. Walking opens your eyes to unique things that are there but went unnoticed. It’s a good form of exercise for your legs, too.

Fun Cooking

Cook your own food together and enjoy every minute of it. Slicing tomatoes, deep frying fish or sifting flour can be more fun with the company of your significant other. Search for some great recipes on the Internet and try something new at least once in two weeks. It would be fun bringing the taste of India, South Africa and Spain on the dining table!

Hammock Swinging

If you have two trees or poles in your backyard, tie a durable hammock in between. Swinging in a hammock may be too childlike but the to-and-fro movement is quite refreshing. It reminds you of the happy mood of a typical kid. Spend your lazy weekends and days off watching flying birds, staring at the clouds, reading your favorites books, watching videos, listening to music and chitchatting at that area. You’ll love every second of it.

The suggestions above are cost-free but truly intimate. If you noticed, they are activities that give you and your partner ample opportunities to communicate, a very important factor in marriage. At times, they also allow you to share the comfort of golden silence. Always, they let you behave as who you are. If you lose these things in marriage, you will forget that giggling excitement you feel when no one else is around but you.

Marriage isn't just laughter: when the storm comes, make sure you have what it takes to overcome it

Marriage seems about to break when the couple constantly makes a great fuss over trivial issues, when doors are often slammed or when the spare bedroom is always occupied at night.  These are indicators of a serious marital issue that can possibly lead to divorce or annulment. You don’t have to resort to that option, though, as long as you deal with it the adult way.

Understand that marriage is not pure bliss.

John Denver’s “Perhaps Love” is a song that clearly states all the possibilities of what love may be. Its metaphors tell us that marriage isn’t only about laughter, giggles and hugs. It’s a roller-coaster ride that will excite you and cause you to throw up at the same time. If you’re going through a rough road, just keep in mind that even if you lose yourself and don’t know what to do, the memories of love will see you through.

Communicate with sincerity.

Don’t get influenced by the dramatic scenes you see on television and movies. This is a real scenario, your own predicament, your own life. If you create scenes and give ultimatums to your spouse, the problem will just get worse and reconciliation might be far from reach. Sit and talk about your problems instead. Discuss what your marriage is going through and identify solutions on how to resolve them. Open communication has never failed anyone yet.

Make a compromise.

Arguments arise when one isn’t willing to adjust with the needs of the other. If your partner complains with the way you seem to flirt with the opposite sex, it would help to be extra sensitive. If the nature of your work demands most of your time, make sure you spend quality, uninterrupted days with your spouse. If the issue is about making ends meet, then come up with strategies that will help you get by. As long as you keep this a habit, you will always have each other no matter where the road will lead you.

Don’t forget your romantic side.

They say marriage becomes less interesting as you spend more years together under the same roof. This occurs because too much familiarity may not encourage you to creatively manifest your love. If you want to save your relationship, squeeze the romantic juice out and think of simple yet special ways for your husband or wife.  It can be as naughty as a stolen kiss or as well-prepared as a handmade card. Just as a plant would die if left without the necessary nutrients, your marriage won’t thrive without tender loving care.

Ask for help.

There’s no need to go to a counselor who can process your pressing issues or join a support group that can empathize your situation. Sometimes all you need is the wisdom or the listening ear of a friend, a parent, a colleague or an author. When everything gets hopeless, remember that you can source your strength from the people who have always been there for you.

Saving a failing marriage won’t happen in an instant. You have to give it enough time and proactive effort. It’s a process that should be evaluated from time to time. Acknowledge your progress and recognize your partner’s effort as well.  And when the hollows are already filled, make sure you protect them and avoid relapsing into your unhealthy habits.

How do you react to this sight?

Infidelity is a possible impossible love. It’s ideally impossible since an attached person should remain true to the marriage vows and stay loyal to the significant other. It’s possible because despite the immoral issues it brings, some are still tempted to the redness of its apple.  Nowadays, it’s not only Adam who always takes the first bite. Eve also does the hiding and nibbles the fruit to her pleasure.

This act undeniably brings into the relationship negative vibes such as pain, confusion and insecurity. These can break the trust, the bond and the ring if not dealt with objectively. If you’re one of those who are currently facing this disheartening issue, here are four tips that must not be left unread.

Tip 1: Let the pain stay for a while.

Don’t shoo the hurt right away. Let it sink into your consciousness, slap your face and cause you to sob. You are entitled to feel that way since you are a sensitive human being. Feeling the pain is the start of acceptance of the act, your key to making mature and wise decisions. It is as healthy as jumping for joy, as long as you don’t dwell on it for too long.

Tip 2: Figure out what the culprit is.

To objectively identify the cause of infidelity, always remember that the culprit is an answer to a ‘what’ question, not a ‘who’. You might be dying to point your finger at your partner and throw harsh words to those who angered you but the wise thing to do is to calm yourself, watch your mouth and be mindful of your actions. No issues are resolved by merely blaming a person. Whether you believe it or not, this is applicable to infidelity too.

Tip 3: Come up with a decision.

There are only two major options in this case: save the marriage or let go. When your spouse has cheated on you, it doesn’t necessarily mean everything’s over. You can still iron things out by compromising and by prioritizing the value of loyalty again. It can be very challenging but still doable. However, if one or both parties lack the motivation to pick up the broken pieces, signing the divorce papers stays on the other side of the coin. It may be a sad decision but if it’s the best way of moving on, the let it be.

Tip 4: Forgive and live fully again.

Whether you stick with or separate from each other, learn to forgive and consider the extramarital affair as part of history. Don’t let it continuously ruin your present as living life in bitterness is the choice of a loser. If you keep the resentments of the past, you will face each day with irrational fear and unreasonable skepticism. Life is too beautiful for that.

Handling infidelity in marriage involves a bumpy process since it includes the chaos of mixed emotions and the battle against an important person in your life.  It can also ruin your plans, your family and even your life. However, just remember that you won’t stay in a crisis mode forever. Everything passes. Before you know it, you’ll be grateful for the strength and wisdom you gained from it.

When you’re in this state, you can think of hundreds of possibilities to get the pain out of your system. However, be reminded that not all these options can help. Here are some.

Take a deep breath.

Your husband can’t blame you for throwing harsh words and calling him and the other woman names. But is being the best drama queen what you really need to be? Don’t you think it will simply worsen the issue? Take a deep breath and calm yourself, instead. The mouth may be a good outlet of pain but before it shouts, curses and hurts your husband’s ego, use your nose first. Like its effect during yoga meditation, it will give you a sense of awareness of what’s happening around you.

Know the truth.

When you’re ready for a positive confrontation, ask your husband to explain what happened. Surprisingly, like you, he might have not seen it coming. You might have ways and practices that contributed to his infidelity. He might have pressing needs that weren’t addressed by your marriage. Let him explain and be all ears. This isn’t the easiest tip you’ll ever read but it’s worth trying. After all, it’s the truth that will help you resolve this serious marriage problem.

Express the pain.  

Your husband needs to empathically listen to how his unfaithfulness has affected you. If you stretched out your patience to hear his side, he must do the same for you. If you’re more comfortable doing this with other people, then let it be. A hug from a family member or the helping hand of a dear friend will help you go through. They’ll be there from the second you say, “My husband cheated on me” until everything’s ironed out. There’s no point of keeping the hurt to yourself. Though pain may be healthy at times, dwelling on it will cause lifetime bitterness.

Give yourself some time to decide.  

If you truly love each other, divorce won’t be your first option. You wouldn’t want to instantly throw your wonderful years to the trash can. Give yourself some space and time. Do you feel motivated to save the union? Is your husband deeply sorry for his huge mistake? Are you both willing to give your marriage another try? If your answers are in the affirmative, there’s no reason to live under different roofs.

Understand that forgiveness is a process.

If you decide to keep the knot tied, you can’t expect everything to return to how it was right away. There might be instances of skepticism, distrust and paranoia but these are quite normal for a couple who has undergone an infidelity issue. What’s important is you don’t allow yourself to be drowned by these negative forces. Gradually, you need to overcome this by focusing on your and your partner’s effort to strengthen the relationship.

Nobody can undo what has happened. You can never change the statement, “My husband cheated on me.” What’s under your control is your reaction to the situation. You can choose to let your husband go and he would understand your decision. However, you can also choose to forgive the act and take it as a stumbling block that may form part of the foundation of your relationship. It’s up to you to discern which one is the best for your marriage.

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